Independence?

What is independence?  Sitting in the very same spot I sat in yesterday. Looking at the same doctors diagnosis reports claims submitted by the physicians. Looking through CPT code books matching what they have to what they didn’t submit. Trying to find order in the mess I didnt create. But i am however its bound by it.  Independence huh?  Whose? Who’s really independent. I filled with mixed emotions daily. Wanting to laugh but most times wanting to cry at the same time. Hoping or rather praying for some sort of relief. How is it that. I start a job one day. And a year later be a totally different person. Im more confused on who I can trust. Color never really mattered to me but respect meant everything.  I never knew how it felt to be discriminated against until that one day May 1, 2015.  I have never felt as unconformable as I did right out the gate. But my strength and who I am was to proud to let them see i was intimidated by their doings. The looks, stares, glares. You name it on so many levels I regret the day I applied for the job. 
Listening to fireworks going off around me. The sound is comparable to what i often feel inside.  Many days i wanna scream other days when im sort of calm its because I’ve just had a blow up inside or at someone directly or maybe indirectly invovled in my work comp case. Im so confused. I have questions but yet the only qay to feel as Im getting close to an answer is to research what i need to know. In saying all of this. I wish i was as independent as i am supposed to. But yet im not. I hate liars. I hate corruption. But today I can truly say I understand change. Because I am forever altered. Mentally this has taken over. Its all i think about daily. Feeling helpless and hopeless. Broke and depress. Even at this very moment so overwhelmed with the fraudulent activities I  see in front of me. Wishing i had someone to help me fight this battle. That to be honest I didnt want. 

My story is so hard to tell. I wish that my thoughts could just jump onto the page evenly. That every part of the story could be prioritized. Each section could be as clear for my reader as it is for me in plain sight. So maybe I wont feel so isolated. I know no one cares about my story singly but if they did. If someone would pay attention to me they would see who doctors and lawyers employers the nurses have created an avenue of fraudulent revenue. Taking a persons life and twisting and turning everything for their gain. I today dont even have control over me. I cant do what i want to do. I bound by depositions and lawyers, Court dates, DME’s.  All of these people and situations were brought about by discrimination on a few levels. Its sad that after all these years the mindset of sexist and racist people still exist. All I wanted was to go to work and do a great job. Now I hate that I even got hired there.  The obe thing i say for sure is I will always pay attention to my gut feeling going forward.   Because today as i sit here rambling. Venting. Releasing. Im simply trying!!! Trying make sense out my life. Trying to see past the corruption. Trying to find away to make it thru each day. Trying to not concentrate on the injury itself thinking that the pain will go away.  I had surgery two months ago. But because of the fraud that they’re  trying to do. I work more on educating myself. Protecting me is all i can do. I woke up this morning wishing for answers. Wishing for direction to someone. Some entity that would just make them stop. Stop the games they’re playing with my life. I wish someone would take me serious and listen to my cries. They have me isolated broke and permanently injured. But wont do right by me. For kickbacks. Do you see the unjust. You altered me, took my independence away from me. Left me torn to pieces mentally physically emotionally all for you to gain financially.  Then expect me sit quietly. Im so torn today. Because I to expose this fraud for what is. Because they call us liars saying we are faking for funds. I dont mind working for my money. But ill tell you this.  I thank God i pay attention to detail. I thank God Im a leader not a follower.  I have proof fraud and conspiracy to commit health care or workers comp fraud. What do I do? 

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